First part of this journey of mine was to awaken to the things that were not feeling good in my life. After the "awakening" started the cleansing part where all the old beliefs and programs had to be brought to light and they had to be released. This way the "true me" had more space to show up. But this was not enough! The third part was on it's way!We all have our own individual soul journeys in this earth. Each and everyone is unique and as special as another. SO YOU MATTER no matter what you do! You being here, in this earth, has a huge meaning to the collective, even if you never ever release it yourself. What I am doing, is not every ones soul journey. Along this inner journey I used to "preach" to others how they can change their lives if they want to. What they were supposed to do in order to feel more at ease. Now I know better. Only you can know what is best for you and as I said it might be that your journey is totally different then mine.
It seems that I am meant to dig deep! To go deep within to see everything! And it is not easy! Half of the time it is impossible to explain what I am going through, because how can someone who is not doing what I am doing, understand my inner world and it's mysteries? When half of the time even me I don't get it. Or I do, but this understanding comes after the process is over. It has been so hard for me to try to fit into this system that is having the expectations of how you should live your life. Where to work and how to feel. Well, my work for the couple of years has been releasing all my darkness, if this is the right word to describe it. No, this job is not bringing me that much money, but I am here and I have all I need, so I am for sure taken care of by the Universe. Or life. Something bigger then me anyway.
And so it is that I am not working in a regular job, that by the way, is regular to many, but not for me anymore. I already see things differently. And so it is that half of the time I don't have the answers to give you about my future or what I am going to do next. I just don't know, because these days, I don't make plans! How freeing is that! I haven't owned a calendar for two years now! And so you don't have to understand what I am doing, but just to accept that as I accept you and the things you do. As I respect your soul journey and I am giving you the freedom to be who you are without any judgement what so ever, that's all I am asking of you. Because, and here we get to the third part of my inner journey, I am not the same as I was before. I am loosing my old identity. Let me explain.
In order to be totally free, I wanted my heart (soul, higher self or what ever you want to call it) to take over. And this meant that I had to fully, 150 % commit to me and my inner journey. I am so curious about finding out why am I here and what am I meant to do here. And I already knew that "the old Saija" was not the real one. So after phase one and two, I got to the third part and I swear I was thinking NOT AGAIN! WHAT NOW?! I was praying on having just a normal life where I can go back to the old system with my cleansed personality. But nooooooo, this is absolutely impossible! And so another energy wave hit me and took me into myself again!How hard is the question WHO AM I, if I don't use titles like "mother, wife, daughter, sales manager". This is what I was now digging into. And guess what. I am nothing! I am absolutely nothing and at the same time, I am bigger then ever! I don't even know how to explain this, because this might be something that you have to experience yourself, if it is part of your journey.
But darlings, I am free! I am so free from all outside of me! I am nothing in the eyes of the outside world, because I don't have big cars, latest clothes and big amounts of money. But I don't care, because I am bigger then ever! Just few days ago I was sitting in my sofa and I was watching all these people rushing into their things in the morning. And I was thinking that even though nothing has changed in my life outside, everything is different inside! But I can tell you that my ego did not give up easily! It was a battle of two weeks and at the end I am lying in my floor crying that I give up! Just take me out if this is the way my life will be. I don't want this! And puff! Next morning all was clear. My soul - heart - higher self - had taken over! Because I gave up. Because I surrendered.
It is actually so funny how the ego wants things. Things and money. But can you imagine, our soul is always happy, no matter what is going on in our lives. Our souls knows that life will bring all we need and we can actually relax and have fun in this life! It is so simple that it is funny! The more you allow your soul to take over, the less problems you will have in your life. The more you fake, the more you play games, the more you listen to others, the more you run after outside things, the more you please others, the more you abandon yourself, the more you suffer. And here is why: soul trusts life, ego wants to control. Soul is letting things flow, ego wants things to happen now now. Soul is excepting and adapting things easily and without judgement, ego wants to put labels into everything and is resentful. Soul knows that what ever you do, it is okey to life, but ego is criticizing and giving you a hard time. Soul loves you because you are you, but ego wants tittles and fame. Soul knows that relaxation and just being is the basic nature of human BEING, ego wants you to run like crazy and do do do more! Soul knows that life might not bring things and people to our lives as WE (ego) have planned, but it always will. But I have to say that no, ego does not give up the fight easily!
And so now I am Ms NoBody and it makes me so happy! I have never ever felt so free and good! And as I am free, everybody around me are free. And this BIG!!!! I am nothing, but I am EVERYTHING! It is absolutely amazing! No tittle, no amount of money, can define me. I don't control things anymore, I let them flow. All I have is my trust in life and my intuition and I will only act when my intuition tells me so. I had to let go of everything I have in order to get everything I ever wanted. And so I am starting to learn to enjoy these surprises that I get almost daily.
And so I practice this new being of Ms NoBody. I might still fall into egos traps many times. Or not. Who knows. But one thing is for sure! I will never ever again sit into the old rules and fears. I am Ms NoBody and so very proud of it, because the freedom of it, is so huge! I don't have to chase anything outside of me anymore, because everything is already inside of me. So I am just letting it flow darlings, I am just letting it flow....
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