Finally I am Ms NoBody!

Oi oi, what a couple of weeks I have had! A lot of releasing and cleansing! It has been tough! I have been feeling anxiety, frustration, I have been crying, praying, breathing, meditating, talking my feelings out, having long walks, being in the nature, not eating much and then ate a lot! It is not easy when your whole identity is being striped off!

First part of this journey of mine was to awaken to the things that were not feeling good in my life. After the "awakening" started the cleansing part where all the old beliefs and programs had to be brought to light and they had to be released. This way the "true me" had more space to show up. But this was not enough! The third part was on it's way!

We all have our own individual soul journeys in this earth. Each and everyone is unique and as special as another. SO YOU MATTER no matter what you do! You being here, in this earth, has a huge meaning to the collective, even if you never ever release it yourself. What I am doing, is not every ones soul journey. Along this inner journey I used to "preach" to others how they can change their lives if they want to. What they were supposed to do in order to feel more at ease. Now I know better. Only you can know what is best for you and as I said it might be that your journey is totally different then mine.

It seems that I am meant to dig deep! To go deep within to see everything! And it is not easy! Half of the time it is impossible to explain what I am going through, because how can someone who is not doing what I am doing, understand my inner world and it's mysteries? When half of the time even me I don't get it. Or I do, but this understanding comes after the process is over. It has been so hard for me to try to fit into this system that is having the expectations of how you should live your life. Where to work and how to feel. Well, my work for the couple of years has been releasing all my darkness, if this is the right word to describe it. No, this job is not bringing me that much money, but I am here and I have all I need, so I am for sure taken care of by the Universe. Or life. Something bigger then me anyway.

And so it is that I am not working in a regular job, that by the way, is regular to many, but not for me anymore. I already see things differently. And so it is that half of the time I don't have the answers to give you about my future or what I am going to do next. I just don't know, because these days, I don't make plans! How freeing is that! I haven't owned a calendar for two years now! And so you don't have to understand what I am doing, but just to accept that as I accept you and the things you do. As I respect your soul journey and I am giving you the freedom to be who you are without any judgement what so ever, that's all I am asking of you. Because, and here we get to the third part of my inner journey, I am not the same as I was before. I am loosing my old identity. Let me explain.

In order to be totally free, I wanted my heart (soul, higher self or what ever you want to call it) to take over. And this meant that I had to fully, 150 % commit to me and my inner journey. I am so curious about finding out why am I here and what am I meant to do here. And I already knew that "the old Saija" was not the real one. So after phase one and two, I got to the third part and I swear I was thinking NOT AGAIN! WHAT NOW?! I was praying on having just a normal life where I can go back to the old system with my cleansed personality. But nooooooo, this is absolutely impossible! And so another energy wave hit me and took me into myself again!

How hard is the question WHO AM I, if I don't use titles like "mother, wife, daughter, sales manager". This is what I was now digging into. And guess what. I am nothing! I am absolutely nothing and at the same time, I am bigger then ever! I don't even know how to explain this, because this might be something that you have to experience yourself, if it is part of your journey.

But darlings, I am free! I am so free from all outside of me! I am nothing in the eyes of the outside world, because I don't have big cars, latest clothes and big amounts of money. But I don't care, because I am bigger then ever! Just few days ago I was sitting in my sofa and I was watching all these people rushing into their things in the morning. And I was thinking that even though nothing has changed in my life outside, everything is different inside! But I can tell you that my ego did not give up easily! It was a battle of two weeks and at the end I am lying in my floor crying that I give up! Just take me out if this is the way my life will be. I don't want this! And puff! Next morning all was clear. My soul - heart - higher self - had taken over! Because I gave up. Because I surrendered.

It is actually so funny how the ego wants things. Things and money. But can you imagine, our soul is always happy, no matter what is going on in our lives. Our souls knows that life will bring all we need and we can actually relax and have fun in this life! It is so simple that it is funny! The more you allow your soul to take over, the less problems you will have in your life. The more you fake, the more you play games, the more you listen to others, the more you run after outside things, the more you please others, the more you abandon yourself, the more you suffer. And here is why: soul trusts life, ego wants to control. Soul is letting things flow, ego wants things to happen now now. Soul is excepting and adapting things easily and without judgement, ego wants to put labels into everything and is resentful. Soul knows that what ever you do, it is okey to life, but ego is criticizing and giving you a hard time. Soul loves you because you are you, but ego wants tittles and fame. Soul knows that relaxation and just being is the basic nature of human BEING, ego wants you to run like crazy and do do do more! Soul knows that life might not bring things and people to our lives as WE (ego) have planned, but it always will. But I have to say that no, ego does not give up the fight easily!

And so now I am Ms NoBody and it makes me so happy! I have never ever felt so free and good! And as I am free, everybody around me are free. And this BIG!!!! I am nothing, but I am EVERYTHING! It is absolutely amazing! No tittle, no amount of money, can define me. I don't control things anymore, I let them flow. All I have is my trust in life and my intuition and I will only act when my intuition tells me so. I had to let go of everything I have in order to get everything I ever wanted. And so I am starting to learn to enjoy these surprises that I get almost daily.

And so I practice this new being of Ms NoBody. I might still fall into egos traps many times. Or not. Who knows. But one thing is for sure! I will never ever again sit into the old rules and fears. I am Ms NoBody and so very proud of it, because the freedom of it, is so huge! I don't have to chase anything outside of me anymore, because everything is already inside of me. So I am just letting it flow darlings, I am just letting it flow....

You can't really help them!

"The most important thing to understand is, you can’t really help them. What you can do however, is being the BEST “you” that you can be. 

INSPIRE them to help themselves. 

To live your life as a shinning example of a loving compassionate conscious and EMPOWERED human being. The energy you begin to radiate the longer you go through these cycles of healing, is infectious! Your ENERGY is what does most of the work, not so much your words, beliefs or explanations. 

Heal yourself and you will naturally heal others without having to lift a finger or say a word."

- Victor Oddo - 

This is what I have learned through out my inner journey. My heart is so big that I just wanted everyone to be happy and feel good. I wanted to help people so much that instead of letting them do what they needed to do, I did it for them. No wonder I was so tired! But. Life is not like that. 

Life will always be about ups and downs. It will never end. And if someone else is doing "the work" for you, when will you learn? When will you finally learn to take responsibility of your own healing if someone else keeps doing it for you? And with these energies, no one can not even do it for you anymore. You can try, sure. But it will get heavy for you and the one who is trying to help you. Because at the end, only you can really help you. 

There was a time when I was doing healing treatments. These treatments included talk after the treatment, so that we can go through everything that my customer was feeling and what I have felt. The thing was that when doing these treatments I was doing them from a place of "I want to help people", not from a place of "this is for me so that I can heal and so that I can learn more about myself". Because I didn't see the inner power I have in me, I couldn't see it in others. And so "I wanted to help them". We all have our own soul path. And life happens no matter who you are or where you are. It will happen to rich, poor, black, white, yellow, kids, youngsters, adults. It happens. So life is about learning, trusting and surrendering. 

I realized today that it is not actually about me getting what I want, but it is about the learning process in between. I am held back in the same situation as long as I learn the lesson that the situation is here to teach me and only when that lesson is learned, I am able to break free. Sometimes the learning comes through the feelings of anxiety, sometimes it comes through the feelings of anger. It is a sign for me that the change is coming, but the lessons have to be learned first. This is why leaving the old and entering the new, is called "process". We need this process, this time, so that we can face our fears before leaving the old. We need this time to reflect and learn from these experiences. And then we can move on to the new. This takes time, because it is not easy. It takes as much time as it takes. Even if we think we are ready, it might not be so. So the only thing we can do is trust the flow of the Universe and trust the process. And here is the thing. Only you can know if there is something that is not aligned with your heart energy. You feel it inside, no one else. So this is why it is your job to do the job. Of breaking free from something that doesn't feel right anymore. From something that doesn't make you happy. So you see, at the end, only you can heal yourself. There will be people to support you in this and if you don't have any, please, go and find some. They will support you, but they won't do the job for you. Only you can heal you. There are some things that are only between you and you. 

And so I have done. I have healed myself and the funny thing is that I don't no longer have the desire to safe anyone. I don't have any desire to do any healing work for no one. I have done mine and only you can do yours. If you want to. Your choice. 

Now I live my truth. I see my own inner power and I respect myself. And from that space I see your inner power and I respect that. I love you, but I step aside. I believe in you and your strength to do what needs to be done. I have, so you can too! I respect your soul path, as I respect mine. And so I step aside and I allow your own soul to take over. I have no desire what so ever to help you anymore, because I know you can do this. I am beside you, yes. But not "in your way" when you are doing your inner healing.

So it is not about having a piece of paper saying that you are a reiki master. It is not about having a diploma saying that you are a energy healer. No. It is about doing your inner work. Dealing with your shit. Facing the situations and people that you are not happy about. Not with anger, but simply by pointing out that this is not working. I am not happy and for this reason, I need to get out. I need to change the circumstances. Actually, you are getting the old shit out of the way, so that you can finally come into your full power. After this process, you can check if you still "want to help them". 

I have blessed all my past life and the events in it. I have forgiven everything and to everyone. Even myself. The past has taught me so much. Without it, I wouldn't be here. This strong. This powerful. And having this inner knowledge that I can not help you, but I trust you. Fully. 

And so I live my life from inside out. Not outside in. This is new and this is where we are heading, so I am learning. I am learning for the first time in my life, not to concentrate on the outside things, but inside. Anything that I want in my life, will come inside first. And from that space the things that are aligned with my energy, will come reality. Sometimes, like now, I don't know what the fuck I am doing and where I am supposed to be next, but it is ok. I don't have to. This is the learning part. Trusting the process and trusting that things are moving forward even if I don't see it with my own eyes. And so I relax (or try to). Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. But even this is ok. All I know is that I am looking into the future, even if I don't see nothing yet. One day, when the timing is right, I will. 

So I don't care about papers or diplomas anymore. I don't follow gurus or listen anyone outside of me. I am still lost sometimes, because this is the way life is. But I learn, I listen my inner voice and eventually I will make the changes that I have to make in order to be more aligned with my heart energy. 

And so I live my truth. I live my life as a shinning example of a loving compassionate conscious and EMPOWERED human being. The energy I am radiating is infectious! My ENERGY is what does most of the work, not so much my words, beliefs or explanations. 

I healed myself and I will naturally heal others without having to lift a finger or say a word.